Eternal Dream / Eternal Nightmare

[Noctivagus]

[ Now this is a new thing I wanted to try... its basically about the same person, but in an alternate life... ]

Eternal Nightmare

I sit dreaming of you,
Always you, Who are you?
Are you my love?
No how could that be?
Finding love...
Never will happen.

I wake up from one nightmare,
Only to be in another,
This life... cannot go on,
How should I feel?
My heart feels nothing;
But pain, hate and anger.

I look up at the sky, alone,
Wanting to end my pain and suffering,
I walk to the bridge, stand on the edge,
I spread my arms... slowly start to lean forward.

Falling now... falling forever it seems.

Goodbye world

Those... are my final thoughts...

Noctivagus
=2005=

----------------------------------------

Eternal Dream

I sit dreaming of you
Always you; The one I love,
I know we're together,
I love you forever
I found my love,
Together forever.

I wake up from my dreams,
To see you there
This life... must go on.
I know how I feel
My heart feels everything,
Love, happiness and joy.

I look up at the sky, with you,
Wanting to stay with you forever,
I walk to the bridge, hold you close,
I wrap my arms around you.

The night seems last forever.

"I love you, with all my heart"

This... is my eternal dream...

Noctivagus
=2006=

[Minako]

I like both of them. It's interesting what you did with them. I don't think you needed to use the semicolons where you did, though... just commas would work.

The only think I don't like about the actual poems is in the 2nd one.. the last line. It just doesn't seem to fit. But I suck at poetry, so don't take me too seriously. XD

[Hyperbole]

Finished with the stuff I needed to do, so I can finally comment, heh. I really love the concept that you've used, with the two poems having the same sort of structure and the same type of ideas yet each with its own twist. I just enjoy comparing them with each other and noticing the differences between them, but also the little things that keep them as a pair too. I also like how the punctuation varies between both, like how the first has a lot of questions but the second has a lot of stressed phrases. You can definitely get a sense of the two personas. Good job overall. :)