I Hate You

[Laura]

Everywhere I go
You're there
And you won't leave me alone
It's like you've grabbed hold of me
And you've never let me go
Pain
Fear
Resent
Anger
Deep Inside
Just get lost
Go somewhere
Anywhere
Away from me
...I Hate You.

[Robo-Alaska]

I...well...

That's...

Okay, firstly, you've got to try and make it less predictable. We live in a world where angsty teens are writing poetry left, right and centre, but what are you going to do to stand out from the crowd? You're going to make your writing original, that's what. The lack of vocabulary and grammatical prowess prevents the poem from breaking free from the chains of mediocrity.

Alright, the poem is blurred into one stanza, that's okay, I suppose it emphasises the blerted message that you threw upon the reader. When the poem descends into the one word phrases (pain, anger, etc.), you really need to do something in place of that, or maybe take a look in a thesaurus and find different words to use, because for me, it just screams cliché, tried, tested, repeated and formulaic.

My advice is to convey the message of anger through a different medium which isn't the use of bland vocabulary and jilted teen angst. I suggest maybe incorporating other elements of poetry; subtlety, idioms, rhyming couplets, anything to set it above the rest.