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MasterMind
09-24-2006, 03:56 AM
Name:Jaden Stone
Age:17
Gender:Male
Race: Human
Build: Medium muscular build. About 5'9"
Hair: Brown hair that hangs to the end of his neck. Looks more distinguished and dark than shaggy.
Eyes: Piercingly green.

Distinctive features:
Dark tan and a thin scar across his left hand.

Clothes:
Black loose clothing that has his signature symbol(An eye) in Green on the left shoulder. A dark green stripe runs along the sides of his legs.

Weapon(s):
My character wields a long sword he created from obsidian on his belt. His fighting style with his sword is a combination of slashes, blocks, and stabs. Although he trained himself he is suprisingly gifted with his tool. He also has two throwing daggers(That he made from obsidian) on his belt for when his opponet has a bow and arrow. A unique skill he has is to trick his opponent and(literaly) stab them in the back with a dagger. Finially, he has gold claws (like Wolverine's) on his hands to use as shields or daggers once he has run out.

Abilities:
Hypnotism- Although Jaden is an inexperienced hypotist he can often lure opponents to look into his eyes. The recipient often begins to feel dizzy, lose strength, or become a servant of Jaden.

Master- Jaden may at any time use his own strength to master animals or will circumstances (such as falling rocks) to harm his opponent.

White Magic- Jaden heals at an accelerated rate.



Other abilities/attributes:
My character can talk to animals, has enhanced sight, and can jump up to ten feet in the air. Unfortunately, he has weak hearing and he has a tendancy to become overconfident(not yet sure if this is a weakness).

Personality:
Jaden is a kind and insanely intelligent character. He is noble and cunning and is hard to annoy. HOWEVER, once my character has been annoyed enough he goes "assassin" and becomes ruthless, cruel, insanely powerful, and quick.

Background:
Jaden is a calm and easy-going teenager, raised by the sea where he lived off the fruit trees and animals( such as pigs and cows) with his mother. There he crafted obsidian weapons and kept his deceased father's golden claws sharp. When a strange hooded man came near his house he grabbed his weapons and asked the man what he wanted. The cloak came down and revealed a woman covered in black silk with a wooden staff. While he was shocked to see that she was a woman she quickly knocked him down with her staff,ran into his house and brought out his mother. As he ran to his mother she died in Aris', for that was the woman's name, hands. The girl flew off with her black wings and dropped a note. The note read "You now have no one. You are alone. I, Aris, am the angel of death. Only once you have destroyed me I will give you back your parents."

Jaden now searches and trains to find Aris and destroy her. Not to bring back his parents or anyone else's, but to avenge all those who had loved ones stolen unjustly from them.

Kename
11-15-2006, 11:03 PM
I see no problems with it.

Nyx Raven
11-03-2007, 05:12 AM
I have some critism...nothing bad I hope, or at least don't take it the wrong way okay? I just want to help.


Clothes:
Black loose clothing that has his signature symbol(An eye) in Green on the left shoulder. A dark green stripe runs along the sides of his legs.

Okay so I’d have to ask you this… what does his clothing actually look like? I understand the bagginess of it but what does his shirt look like and his pants etc. Because the beginning of your profile is quite good I see nothing wrong until this point.


Weapon(s):
My character wields a long sword he created from obsidian on his belt. His fighting style with his sword is a combination of slashes, blocks, and stabs. Although he trained himself he is suprisingly gifted with his tool. He also has two throwing daggers(That he made from obsidian) on his belt for when his opponet has a bow and arrow. A unique skill he has is to trick his opponent and(literaly) stab them in the back with a dagger. Finially, he has gold claws (like Wolverine's) on his hands to use as shields or daggers once he has run out.

Umm… there isn’t anything hugely wrong with the weapons, he does know a lot for being self-trained and does he have weakness in the sword fighting? Since he trained himself and all he doesn’t know everything about sword fighting right? And also even though X-men is a popular movie, not everyone is a huge fan and knows who Wolverine is so you might want to be more specific on how it looks, you’ve got to think about someone who is reading this and doesn’t have your character fully developed in their head because they didn’t create it.


Other abilities/attributes:
My character can talk to animals, has enhanced sight, and can jump up to ten feet in the air. Unfortunately, he has weak hearing and he has a tendancy to become overconfident(not yet sure if this is a weakness).

Okay the there should be more weaknesses for him, just a suggestion for that’s all. And the over confident is more of a character flaw in his personality. So I would put that into the personality section.



Personality:
Jaden is a kind and insanely intelligent character. He is noble and cunning and is hard to annoy. HOWEVER, once my character has been annoyed enough he goes "assassin" and becomes ruthless, cruel, insanely powerful, and quick.

I would add more on how annoyed he has to get to basically kill someone, and why he can’t just take it coolly.




Background:
Jaden is a calm and easy-going teenager, raised by the sea where he lived off the fruit trees and animals( such as pigs and cows) with his mother. There he crafted obsidian weapons and kept his deceased father's golden claws sharp. When a strange hooded man came near his house he grabbed his weapons and asked the man what he wanted. The cloak came down and revealed a woman covered in black silk with a wooden staff. While he was shocked to see that she was a woman she quickly knocked him down with her staff,ran into his house and brought out his mother. As he ran to his mother she died in Aris', for that was the woman's name, hands. The girl flew off with her black wings and dropped a note. The note read "You now have no one. You are alone. I, Aris, am the angel of death. Only once you have destroyed me I will give you back your parents."

Jaden now searches and trains to find Aris and destroy her. Not to bring back his parents
or anyone else's, but to avenge all those who had loved ones stolen unjustly from them.


So it’s good so far but I would defiantly add more background on him. I would add if he’s met people and maybe a little on his training and how his searching is going.

I'll look over the profile again and see if I find anything...if you would like okay message me.