My Profile(first time so plz offer any advice if u can)

[Crim]

Name:Crim Leingod
Age:21
Gender:Male
Race:Human\Vampire
Hair:Crimson Red, short and wild
Eyes:Aqua blue, with a kind hearted look
Height:5'9
Weight:175

Distinctive features:
Has a stab wound scar that goes through the
upper left part of his chest.

Clothes:
Top: Wears a black sleeveless shirt, red trench coat
(takes off the coat during serious combat)
Bottom: Black pants and a belt for carrying his handgun ammo
Shoes: Brown battle boots.
Gloves: White fingerless battle goves that are fire resistant.

Weapon(s):
.50 Desert Eagle: Made of mythril
that was meant for close range combat.

Raven's Elite Katana: A katana that is made of adamantium. Given to the commanders of Raven's elite mercenary unit.

The Jigoku blade: A cursed sword which its blade was made from a black dragon's tooth, handle dipped in the purest of holy water, a red jewel bathed in the blood of a hundred demons, and sheath blessed by holy priest to contain the swords evil within it.

Combat style:
Uses his katana as a means of blocking attacks and his desert eagle to get point blank shots off his enemies.
In hand-to-hand combat he tends to use aikido.

Abilities:
Cure - A basic white magic technique that heal minor cuts and bruises.

Sonic Burst - Controls the wind around him to speed up his movement but is only a temporary effect.

Crimson Flash - Gathers every bit of energy into his katana and fires a super heated shot from the blade. Extremely powerful but can only be fired in a straight line making it easy to dodge.Can only be shot once draining his energy to 10%

Last Resort - Pulls out the Jigoku blade from its sheath surrounding him in a cursed aura that increases his speed and strength x3. The only setback is the sword drains his vary lifeforce right out of him at a extremely high rate. Capable of holding this form for 10 seconds.

Other abilities/attributes:
ESP(Extra-sensory perception) - Was born with this ability allowing him too sense if danger is coming his way but doesnt know what the danger is.

Crimson Flame - This ability lets him start a crimson red flame in his hands at will. Unable to use this ability if underwater or cold weather.

Personality:
He's easygoing, funny, a pervert sometimes, and pretty much an idiot in public. In battles he's calm, serious, and cunning. Has a strong sense of justice and will be enraged if too many innocent people get killed. Always goes out of his way to help out people in need. Also he will never ever kill another human.

Background:
Not much is known about known about Crim's past expect that he was part of the Raven mercenary unit. Later he found out he was a prototype of an experimental super solider that a military company had created. During one of his missions his comrades betrayed him so they could get the bounty of his head that the military company had put on him. When everything was over all he could rember was him standing in a pool of his comrades blood and the Jigoku blade standing right next to him.

As he grabbed the hilt of the blade, flashbacks of him killing his comrades came rushing back through his mind. Though he tried to get rid of the cursed blade it was somehow connected to him. Accepting the fact that he could not get rid of the blade he promised to himself that he would not kill another human being ever again.

[Broodling]

Spaces after full stops XD.

Have mercy on readers and include paragraphs (or bullet points) - don't have just one large column - that is, the clothes and weapons paragraph(s) - mainly the latter.

I think you repeated yourself a lot with clothes/weapons - if you want to describe where he keeps the weapons, you should probably do that in the weapons list, along with any descriptions and attributes. ;)


He's moderately good with a gun and sword but has
mastered his aikido training.

And the last line is unnecessary :D

The big problem is probably the amount of weapons you've given the character. I understand he has: a gun, katana, a cursed sword, 35 foot grappling hook... a lot to carry for one human. :rolleyes2:

Most people review the abilities and history, so not much more can be said, but aside from that - it's getting along decently. :p

[Azador]

It's pretty good. Broodling is right though, you need to space things out in seperate paragraphs and you repeat yourself a lot. He seems like a cool character though

[Crim]

After many days of homework I was finally able to get the time to finish my profile.:sweat:

So if any of you can tell me if I messed up somewhere I would greatly appreciate it. :D

[Tymmyc]

Well I must have missed the first draft, though this draft looks fairly well-done, Crimsy. So I won't comment further on the format. The material, however, is top notch. A very interesting blend of personality traits, and it makes sense that they would be aligned in certain pathways in and out of battle. Love how you threw in that he's a pervert at tiems. What gun-toting, sword-wielding, magic-breeding military experiment wouldn't be? That was the one big twist that really drew me in - the military stuff. Here I was setting myself up for a good old-fashioned aikido bitch... and then, military project comes rolling along. While the prospect of militaristic experimentation (say that five times fast) isn't original, the way you've utilized it certainly is. Bravissimo, Crimsy.

Broodling said everyone would comment the history, well... sue me. It's prety damn cool. I myself am a sucker for dramatic pasts that define a character's presence, driving them towards some distant goal or other. His vow to never kill another human... very noble, though a tad difficult considering the level of combat he's decked out for, nay?

All in all, I think it's a well-rounded profile, especially for first time. The only problems I have are the clashing weapons; two massive swords, and a gun? It would seem to be a bit of a hindrance, but oh well...

Hey, we should spar it up sometime, don't you think? Show me how you use all those weapons.